Current:Home > BackVideos of long blue text messages show we don't know how to talk to each other-InfoLens
Videos of long blue text messages show we don't know how to talk to each other
View Date:2024-12-23 21:00:40
Maybe you've spotted it in a coffee shop. Or across a classroom. A wall of blue text: Someone typing out a near novel-length text message that left you wondering and worried about the person on the other end of it.
Is that conversation the beginning of a breakup? Are roommates confronting each other about whose turn it is to take out the trash, only to have it spill out into a litany of other quibbles? Is a child unleashing unfounded frustrations out on a parent?
Such texts aren't all that uncommon, especially as younger generations grow up with the ability to communicate any way they want literally at their fingertips. But is texting a great way to actually have meaningful conversations?
Mostly no, but sometimes yes when you consider the boundaries of that specific relationship.
"I wouldn't say it's 100% of the time you should have that conversation in-person," says Miranda Nadeau, a licensed psychologist. "But I think there are important considerations, if you are going to use text message that go beyond feeling nervous or avoidant."
Yes, 'it's scary' to confront someone in person. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't.
It's intimidating to have potentially life-altering conversations in person. But it may also be the best way to respect the relationship.
"It's scary to have a difficult conversation in person, even though it might be better for the relationship, to have that in person," Nadeau says. "Generationally, and just over time as the world is changing and we're increasingly using social media and text messaging, that's likely going to happen for everyone."
Text messaging might be appropriate, though, if there were issues of safety or if you wouldn't get anywhere if you tried to have the conversation in person.
Whatever the situation, however, relationships require communication.
"A quick way for relationships to be tainted by misunderstandings, unmet needs and lack of alignment is to avoid speaking about our thoughts, feelings, goals, needs and boundaries," writes Sara Kuburic, USA TODAY Millennial Therapist columnist. "Communication also breaks down when we don't listen genuinely and understand what the other person has to say."
Important:Why do all your relationships keep falling apart?
How to have a difficult conversation in-person
- If you do choose to have a daunting conversation in-person, definitely prepare. Make some notes about what you want to say. "We never express ourselves our most genuinely when we are in the heat of the moment, Nadeau says. "It really clouds our ability to express what we really need to."
- Consider your most central message. Structure what you say based on the most important thing you wish to get across.
- Speak from a place of "I feel." This way, you're expressing your point and not putting the onus on someone else that they "made you feel" a certain way. This helps people feel less like they're on the defensive and own your part in a two-way relationship.
- Pause, pause, pause. There's no shame in slamming on the brakes in a tense moment. "If you start to feel overwhelmed or overstimulated, ask to take a break, saying, 'I really want to be having this conversation with you. I need to sit down for about five minutes and drink some water,' and then do that, and then return to the conversation," Nadeau says.
- Name your boundaries. Lay it out at the outset if you only have 30 minutes to talk today, or if you only want to speak and not be interrupted. "Sometimes we think that if we love someone, we don't need boundaries," Kuburic adds. "The truth is that boundaries are the guide to help our relationship feel safe, intimate and fulfilling. Not setting boundaries makes resentment, hurt or burnout more likely. Setting boundaries is not enough; we also have to honor and respect those our partner has set."
So before you send that wall of blue text, consider how tearing down your own walls might lead to fruitful in-person conversation. But – either way – communication in any form is better than none.
Been there:It's time to break up with your significant other, but why can't you?
veryGood! (7)
Related
- Mike Tomlin's widely questioned QB switch to Russell Wilson has quieted Steelers' critics
- Iowa teen who killed teacher must serve 35 years before being up for parole
- Video shows Coast Guard rescue boat captain hanging on to cooler after Hurricane Milton
- Hugh Jackman Makes Public Plea After Broadway Star Zelig Williams Goes Missing
- Spirit Airlines cancels release of Q3 financial results as debt restructuring talks heat up
- An elevator mishap at a Colorado tourist mine killed 1 and trapped 12. The cause is still unknown
- JD Vance refused five times to acknowledge Donald Trump lost 2020 election in podcast interview
- Pilot in deadly California plane crash didn’t have takeoff clearance, airport official says
- 'Squid Game' creator lost '8 or 9' teeth making Season 1, explains Season 2 twist
- Texas vs Oklahoma score: Updates, highlights from Longhorns' 34-3 Red River Rivalry win
Ranking
- Kevin Costner Shares His Honest Reaction to John Dutton's Controversial Fate on Yellowstone
- Iowa teen who killed teacher must serve 35 years before being up for parole
- 2 arrested in deadly attack on homeless man sleeping in NYC parking lot
- Should I rake my leaves? It might be more harmful than helpful. Here's why
- Climate Advocacy Groups Say They’re Ready for Trump 2.0
- Nevada high court to review decision in ex-Raiders coach Jon Gruden’s lawsuit over NFL emails
- Video shows Coast Guard rescue boat captain hanging on to cooler after Hurricane Milton
- New York Yankees back in ALCS – and look like they're just getting started
Recommendation
-
Former Disney Star Skai Jackson Is Pregnant, Expecting First Baby With Her Boyfriend
-
2 arrested in deadly attack on homeless man sleeping in NYC parking lot
-
Top Celebrity Halloween Costume of 2024 Revealed
-
Appeals court overturns contempt finding, removes judge in Texas foster care lawsuit
-
Tampa Bay Rays' Wander Franco arrested again in Dominican Republic, according to reports
-
Halle Bailey Seemingly Breaks Silence on Split from DDG
-
Whoopi Goldberg slams Trump for calling 'View' hosts 'dumb' after Kamala Harris interview
-
Tennessee to launch $100M loan program to help with Hurricane Helene cleanup